A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again, and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again, he asks the little old lady, ‘Why don’t you eat the peanuts yourself?’

‘We can’t chew them because we’ve no teeth,’ she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, ‘Why do you buy them then?’

The old lady replied, ‘We just love the chocolate around them.’

As I lay here on my 7 foot couch pondering the problems of the WORLD, I’m rapidly realizing that I don’t really give a DAMN. It’s the tortoise life for me!

1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat.

3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.

4. A tortoise doesn’t run, does nothing… yet lives for 450 years.

AND YOU TELL ME TO EXERCISE!

….I DON’T THINK SO!!

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked, “Are you going to San Diego ?”

“Sure,” answered the blonde, “do you need a lift?”

“Not for me. I’ll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck.”

“My problem is I’ve got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo.”

“They’re a bit stressed already so I don’t want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me?”

“I’ll give you $100 for your trouble.”

“I’d be happy to,” said the blonde.

So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde’s car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!

There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.

With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blond.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he demanded. “I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo.”

“Yes, I know you did,” said the blonde, “but we had money left over so now we’re going to Sea World.”

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood.

The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside.

“That laundry is not very clean”, she said.

“She doesn’t know how to wash correctly.”

“Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.”

Her husband looked on, but remained silent.

Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry,
the young woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a
nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband:

“Look, she has learned how to wash correctly.”

“I wonder who taught her this.”

The husband said, “I got up early this morning and
cleaned our windows.”

And so it is with life.

What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look .