Pecans in the Cemetery
On the outskirts of Houma, Louisiana, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence.
One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
‘One for you, one for me, one for you, one [...]

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What is a calorie?
Calories are the little bastards that get into your wardrobe at night and sew your clothes tighter…
MY CLOSET IS INFESTED WITH THE LITTLE SHITS.

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A woman goes into Cabela’s to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark shades.
She says to him, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about [...]

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I Owe My Mother
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1.My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside.. I just finished cleaning.”
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m [...]

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