May 5th, 2011 at 1:14pm
I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.
If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.
My cousin had an exorcism but couldn’t afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now share a room.
The Treasure Island Casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh, great! The guy who made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the peoplewho made $1.5 trillion disappear!
And, finally..
I was so depressed last night, thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security,retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when Itold them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
