Funniest Joke
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”. The operator says “Calm down. I can help.
First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”
2nd Funniest joke
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”
Holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?”
Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.”
And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”
3rd Funniest
A patient says: “Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip, I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: “Could you please pass the butter.”
But instead I said: “You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life”.”
4th Funniest
Two fish in a tank.
One turns to the other and says ‘Do you know how to drive this?’
5th Funniest
A woman told her friend: “For eighteen years my husband and I were the happiest people in the world! Then we met.”
6th Funniest
A newly ordained priest is nervous about hearing confessions and asks an older priest to observe one of his sessions to give him some tips. After a few minutes of listening, the old priest suggests that they have a word.
“I’ve got a few suggestions,” he says. “Try folding your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand.”
The new priest tries this. “Very good,” says his senior. “Now try saying things like ‘I see’, ‘I understand’ and ‘Yes, go on.’”
The younger priest practises these sayings, too. “Well done,” says the older priest.
“Don’t you think that’s better than slapping your knee and saying:
“No way! What happened next?”
7th Funniest
A woman goes into a cafe with a duck.
She puts the duck on a stool and sits next to it.
The waiter comes over and says: “Hey! That’s the ugliest pig that I have ever seen.”
The woman says: “It’s a duck, not a pig.”
And the Waiter says: “I was talking to the duck.”
