Wife: One more word from you and I will leave you and go back to my mother.
Husband: Taxi!
My wife really worships me, she puts burnt offerings in front of me every day.
Wife: To think that I had to marry you to find out just how stupid you are.
Husband: You should have realised that when I asked you to marry me.
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it’s worth it!
A smart wife will always ask her husband’s opinion – after she has made up her mind.
My wife has a terrible memory – she never forgets anything.
My wife wanted to see the world, so I bought an atlas.
Each year on his wedding anniversary he goes down to City Hall in the hope that his marriage license has expired.
Many a poor husband was once a rich bachelor.
Husband: You have to admit that men have much better judgement than women.
Wife: You’re right. You married me and I married you.
Fred: Have you ever seen one of those machines that can tell when someone is telling a lie?
Joe: Seen one? I married one!
I don’t need to buy an encyclopedia – my wife knows everything.
Policeman: I am sorry to have to tell you this Mr Brown, but you wife has just fallen into the wishing well and drowned.
Mr Brown: It works!
Wife: What do you mean coming home half drunk at this time of night?
Husband: It’s not my fault – I ran out of money.
Husband: Let’s go out on the town tonight and have some fun.
Wife: Yeah, but if you get home before me, remember to leave the front door open.
It first occured to me that our marriage might be in trouble when my wife won an all expenses paid trip for two to Hawaii – and she went twice.
An insurance salesman was trying to persuade a housewife to buy a life insurance policy. “Just imagine if your husband was to die tomorrow,” he said. “What would you get?”
“Oh, a Labrador dog, I think,” replied the housewife. “They’re so well-behaved.
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
I still miss my ex-husband – but my aim is getting better.
Man to marriage counselor: “My wife and I can’t agree on our vacation. I want to go to Bermuda and she wants to go with me.”
