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Marvin, was in the hospital on his death bed. The family called Marvin’s Preacher to be with him in his final moments. As the Preacher stood by the bed, Marvin’s condition seemed to deteriorate, and Marvin motioned for someone to quickly pass him a pen and paper. The Preacher quickly got a pen and paper and lovingly handed it to Marvin. But before he had a chance to read the note, Marvin died.

The Preacher feeling that now wasn’t the right time to read it put the note in his jacket pocket. It was at the funeral while speaking that the Preacher suddenly remembered the note. Reaching deep into his pocket the Preacher said “and you know what, I suddenly remembered that right before Marvin died he handed me a note, and knowing Marvin I’m sure it was something inspiring that we can all gain from.

With that introduction the Preacher ripped out the note and opened it. The note said:

“HEY, YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE!”

A blonde Woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also Blonde. The blonde cop asked to see her driver’s license.

She dug through her handbag and was getting progressively more agitated. “What does it look like?” she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, “It’s square and it has your picture on It.”

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it, and handed it to the policewoman. “Here it is,” she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, “OK, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop.”

A young man heard that his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather had all walked on water on their 21st birthdays. So on his 21st birthday, the young man and a friend went out to the lake. “if they could do it, so can I!”

When they arrived, they rented a boat and began paddling. In the middle of the lake, the young man stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned.

Ashamed, the young man later asked his grandmother, “Why can’t I walk on water like my father, and his father, and his father before him?”

The grandmother took the young man’s hands, looked into his eyes, and explained. “They were all born in January dear, you were born in July.”

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, ‘We only have one rule here in heaven: Don’t step on the ducks!’

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck

and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

A long comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, ‘Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!’

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter…. who doesn’t miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is VERY, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, one day St.Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on…. very tall, long eyelashes, muscular. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, ‘I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?’

The guy says,

‘I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck.’