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Bob and his lovely blonde wife live in Wisconsin.

One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”

Bob’s wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”

Bob’s wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says “We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park………..” then the electric power goes out.

Bob’s wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, “Honey, I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?”

With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, “Honey why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time?”

Here is the Table of Contents from my new book, “Winning Golf Strategies,” which I believe gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I have gained through my own years of experience in the game and observations of golfing partners.

Table Of Contents:

Chapter 1 – How to properly line up your fourth putt.

Chapter 2 – How to hit a Nike from the rough when you hit a Titleist from the tee.

Chapter 3 – How to avoid the water when you lie is in a bunker.

Chapter 4 – How to get more distance off the Shank.

Chapter 5 – When to give the Ranger the finger.

Chapter 6 – Using your shadow on the Greens to maximize earnings.

Chapter 7 – When to implement Handicap Management.

Chapter 8 – Proper excuses for drinking beer before 9 a.m.

Chapter 9 – How to urinate behind a 4″ x 4″ post,… Undetected.

Chapter 10 – How to rationalize a 6 hour round.

Chapter 11 – How to find that ball that everyone else saw go in the water.

Chapter 12 – Why your spouse doesn’t care that you Birdied the 5th.

Chapter 13 – How to let a Foursome play through your Twosome.

Chapter 14 – How to relax when you are hitting three off the Tee.

Chapter 15 – When to suggest major swing corrections to your opponent.

Chapter 16 – God and the meaning of The Birdie-To-Bogey Putt.

Chapter 17 – When to regrip your Ball Retriever.

Chapter 18 – Use a strong grip on the Hand Wedge and Weak Slip on the Foot Wedge.

Chapter 19 – Why male golfers will pay $5.00 a beer from the Cart Girl and give her a $3 tip, but will balk at a $3.50 Beer at the 19th Hole and stiff the Bartender.

Chapter 20 – How to deal with a 30+ handicapper who got a hole-in-one.

Hopefully you will find my book intriguing and purchase a copy.

Thank You!

One day an old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he’s lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks,

“Oh oh! I’m in deep crap now!”

Noticing some bones on the ground, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly,

“Boy, that was one delicious panther!

I wonder, if there are any more around here?”

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him, and he slinks away into the trees.

“Whew!,” says the panther,

“That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!”

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans, and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being tricked, and says, “Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!”

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back, figures out what happened, and thinks, “What am I going to do now?”

But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet. Just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says…

“Where’s that &%$#! squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!”

Moral of this story…

Don’t mess with the old dogs…
Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
BS and brilliance only come with age and experience

A two-foot putt counts the same as a two-foot drive.

Never wash your ball on the tee of a water hole.

There is no such thing as a friendly wager.

The stages of golf are Sudden Collapse, Radical Change, Complete Frustration, Slow Improvement, Brief Mastery, and Sudden Collapse.

The only sure way to get a par is to leave a four-foot birdie
putt two inches short of the hole.

Don’t play with anyone who would question a 7.

It’s as easy to lower your handicap as it is to reduce your hat size.

If you really want to be better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

If your driver is hot, your putter will be ice cold.

If you can hit your irons, you will top your woods.

If you are keeping your right elbow tucked in, your head will come up.

Progress in golf consists of two steps forward and ten miles backward.

One good shank deserves another.

It takes 17 holes to really get warmed up.

No golfer ever swung too slowly.

No golfer ever played too fast.

One birdie is a hot streak.

No matter how badly you are playing, it’s always possible to play worse.

Whatever you think you’re doing wrong is the one thing you’re
doing right.

Any change works for three holes.

The odds of hitting a duffed shot increase by the square of the
number of people watching.

Never teach golf to your wife.

Never play your son for money.

Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind
during your swing.

The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his
ideas about the golf swing.

It’s surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 10.

The statute of limitations on forgotten strokes is two holes.

Bets lengthen putts and shorten drives.

Confidence evaporates in the presence of fairway water.

It takes considerable pressure to make a penalty stroke adhere to
a scorecard.

It’s not a gimme if you’re still away.

The more your opponent quotes the rules, the greater the
certainty that he cheats.

Always limp with the same leg for the whole round.

The rake is always in the other trap.

The wind is in your face on 16 of the 18 holes.

Nothing straightens out a nasty slice quicker than a sharp dogleg to the right.

The rough will be mowed tomorrow.

The ball always lands where the pin was yesterday.

It always takes at least five holes to notice that a club is missing.

The nearest sprinkler head will be blank.

Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two
triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch
branch 90% of the time.

Out of bounds is always on the right, for right-handed golfers.

The practice green is either half as fast or twice as fast as all the other greens.

No one with funny head covers ever broke par (except for Tiger Woods).

The lowest numbered iron in your bag will always be impossible to hit.

Your straightest iron shot of the day will be exactly one club short.

No matter how far its shaft extends, a ball retriever is always a
foot too short to reach the ball.

If you seem to be hitting your shots straight on the driving
range, it’s probably because you’re not aiming at anything.

A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

The only thing you can learn from golf books is that you can’t
learn anything from golf books, but you have to read an awful lot of golf books to learn it.